Friday, July 2, 2010

Weight Gain & Contentment

I've gained weight the past year and a half. A lot of weight. I was asked three times last week if I was pregnant because I'm carrying most of that weight right out front in my belly. I've dealt with many medical issues and there's no doubt that my hormones are way out of balance. I weight more than 50 pounds more today than I did when I was pregnant with our daughter eight years ago. About 40 of those pounds have been packed on the past 20 months.

I am frustrated. I don't like my body. I don't like getting dressed. I don't like getting undressed even more. I have stacks of clothes I can't get into, some now 3 or 4 sizes too small, that I've been stashing away for when I can get the pound off.

Today I'm choosing a new attitude. Yes, I would still like to shed some weight, for health, for self-esteem, for so many reasons. But the fact is, this is my body right now. The same Holy Spirit lives inside this broken temple who lived here when I was at my healthiest, most fit, most attractive days. I can make choices that will keep this body as well-conditioned as I am able, but honestly some of this is simply beyond my control.

So today I went through all my clothes, those horded away for someday and those still hanging in my closet, many ill-fitting even though I try to still squeeze into them. To my delight I found a few things I honestly didn't think would fit that still work nicely. :) I kept about 5 things that are very near to fitting, just a tiny snug right now, because if I can loose a few pounds and under-grow what I have, I still have a tiny cushion of options before I hit yard sales and consignment stores for smaller sizes.

I sorted and organized all the rest and can walk into my closet and know that absolutely anything I pull off the hanger will fit on this body and I won't have to fight through five or six outfit changes (and accompanying tears and words of self-loathing) just to get dressed in the morning. And as a bonus, I now get to bless some friends with an abundance of clothing that can be enjoyed again, no longer a source of frustration to their owner.

But godliness with contentment is great gain.

- 1 Timothy 6:6

Father, please grant me contentment in my "great gain" that I can have a heart to fully embrace the body you have given me and glorify you with it, just as I am.


Julie D said...

I read your post last night on my phone, but I just got a chance to respond.
Just wanted to let you know that I love you. And I'm proud of you.

Julie said...

Your are such an inspiration Jenni!! I love how you can turn something that seems so disappointing and dark into a blessing and positive thing. Now that is a woman of God!

Sandy Cooper said...

Thank you for your comment today on (in)courage and for leaving a link to this post. I love it. I am so with you with the closet full of clothes that don't fit and the multiple changes each morning. I gained my weight so fast (from medication) that I don't even realize half the time that the clothes don't fit until I put them on. They fit just a few months ago!!

I am working hard to get the weight off, but like you, must remember so much of it is out of my control. I can control what I eat and how much I rest and exercise, but I cannot control my body's reaction to it all. That is when I have to leave it in God's hands and let Him take care of the details.

In the mean time, I'm asking God to show me whatever He needs to show me in order to grow and become more mature.

Blessings to you!