Beauty in the Shadows

Have you ever heard someone describe a time of trial as, “living under the shadow of [xyz]”? My shadows have included infertility, grief, depression, chronic illness and more. I'm sure you can plug in your own "xyz"s; maybe cancer, abuse, loneliness…

Job and the Psalmist talk of “the valley of the shadow of death.” Shadows impress a dark picture of gloom and heaviness in my mind.

Hope demands I give shadows another look... [To read the remainder of this article, please visit (In)Courage where you can also enter to win a copy of my book, Hannah's Hope.]


Keep scrolling here for a great list of verses that reflect God's sheltering shadows in my life.

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One way God seems to work in my life is through “theme word seasons,” specific life lessons He wants to drive home with me and situations that bring those themes to light over and over until I finally begin to grasp a small portion of what He longs to teach me. Wait resounded in our hearts through the loss of our business and the struggle for my husband to find a new career that truly fit, all in the midst of infertility's endless cycles of hoping and hurting, wanting and worrying, coping and crying.

Waiting has given way to new horizons, a series of theme seasons too numerous to list here, but with one of the most recent being Hope. And then to Hope, God’s spent this year adding the active pursuit of Joy to my life as well. Here are some of my favorite resources from these three themes:

Wait:
- Hannah’s Prayer Ministries offers support through fertility challenges, including infertility or the death of a baby at any time from conception through early infancy.
- A Graceful Waiting by Jan Frank
- The Wait Poem by Russell Kelfer (Truly beautiful book, with a written message even more powerful than the photos! This poem was life-changing for me and has been impactful in many lives.)

Hope:
- Out of the Valley Ministries, Inc. Postpartum Depression Support
- Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg
- Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss by me, Jennifer Saake :)

Joy:
- Rest Ministries provides support in the face of chronic pain and illness, including National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week each Sept.
- Rain on Me: Devotions of Hope and Encouragement for Difficult Times by Holley Gerth
- The book of Philippians, written by the apostle Paul.

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies” Philippians 4:8-9. (MSG)

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Verses that reflect God's sheltering shadows in my life:

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” James 1:17. (NIV)

“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Isaiah 45:3. (NIV)

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned” Isaiah 9:2. (NIV)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" Isaiah 40:31. (NIV)

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me" Micah 7:7. (NIV)

"We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield" Psalm 33:20. (NIV)

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God..." Psalm 40:1-2, (NIV)

“I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of his wrath.
He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light…

“He has besieged me and surrounded me with bitterness and hardship.
He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead…

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness…

“For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love…

“You came near when I called you, and you said, ‘Do not fear.’
O Lord, you took up my case; you redeemed my life…”
- from Lamentations 3 (NIV)

Infertility and New Life

Last night Melody of Hope of my Heart Designs gave you a chance to win her SpringTime Hope bracelet. If you missed that give-away, go back and look through yesterday's Virtual Spa Weekend posts because you can still enter to win unitl midnight tonight!

Now here's a bit more of Melody's story and God's working in her heart through the grief of infertility, adoption, pregnancy and miscarriage.

We got our PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) diagnosis 3 months after we were married, and started trying to conceive immediately. We tried Clomid after a few months, but it didn’t work. I was such a wreck while on that medicine that we decided that even if we tried with medical assistance later, we would NOT use the Clomid again. We lost our health insurance though, so we stopped trying to conceive for a while.

A year later, we pursued adoption. Nine months after we started the process, our son was born six weeks early. We were allowed to be in the delivery room with his birthmother, and after a week’s stay in NICU, he came home with us. We were thrilled.

Unfortunately, something was still missing. I didn’t know what it was, but I was miserable. Two months later, I finally admitted my problem – I was lost. I never dreamed that God would use infertility and adoption to bring me to Himself, but He did. On July 10, 2004, I finally accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. Finally, that void in my life was filled!

When our oldest was two, he started praying every night, “Dear Jesus, baby please.” I’d never been pregnant and wasn’t really convinced I would ever be. After a year, we were shocked to discover that I was indeed pregnant for the first time!

After our surprise little guy was born, we wondered how God was going to continue to grow our family. Once again, our oldest son started praying for a sibling. It didn’t take as long as we thought it would, but almost as soon as I suspected I was pregnant, I realized that I would never hold that little one this side of Heaven.

Our son kept praying, and we kept hoping for another pregnancy. Two months later, we discovered that I was pregnant AGAIN! We were surprised again at God’s timing. I was much more cautious that time, trying to guard my heart. But now I’m almost 19 weeks pregnant, and so far, baby is doing quite well.

I never dreamed that God would use infertility in my life the way He did, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Welcome to Virtual Spa Weekend!

What an exciting weekend ahead of us! I pray that this Virtual Spa Weekend will be a blessing to everyone who visits and that you will be encouraged and refreshed. We have over 20 posts scheduled over the next 50 hours, including books, chocolate, jewelry, video clips, beauty tips, and lots of great give-aways! In between all that blog reading, I challenge you to find some quiet time this weekend to draw a warm bath, light some candles, grab your Bible or a good book, and curl up for some self-parmpering. I'll do my part in encouraging your "spa experience" by posting a series of give-aways, beauty tips and devotional reflections from now through Sunday afternoon. (The give-aways will all remain open for comments/entries until midnight Sunday and prize winners will be announced by Wednesday or sooner.)

Some of you already know me, so you are welcome to skip this introduction and just scroll down to my embarrasing video at the end of the post (but you might want to read the paragraph directly above it for context). ;) For those who are new to InnerBeautyGirlz, please allow me a moment to share a little about myself before we get this Weekend rolling.

My name is Jennifer (Jenni) Saake, also know around the internet (check Shoutlife, Twitter, Facebook, and a slew of message boards) as InfertilityMom. I'm 36 years old and coming up on my 17th wedding anniversary this summer. After a long infertilty journey, Rick and I are the blessed parents of 13 children, 3 of whom we are very thankful to share our daily lives with, 7 whom we will always carry in our hearts though they never officially joined our family through adoption as we had prayed they would, and 3 more who await us in Heaven after their physical deaths in my womb. Through this journey we were able to help establish Hannah's Prayer Ministires nearly 15 years ago and my first book, Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage & Adoption Loss was published by NavPress in 2005.

I have struggled with health challenges since I was about 8 years old, including Endometriosis and Fibromyalgia in my early teen years. My freshman year of college I faced the dramatic onset of CFIDS (chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome), leaving me almost totally bedridden for about 2 years and facing an uphill battle ever since. My health has become progressively more fragile again over the past few years with my immune system now functioning at only about 5% and the possible diagnosis of a-typical MS on the horizon. The next book I hope to write will be about the life of Paul and his "thorn in the flesh," a book of encouragement to those living with chronic pain and illness. In the meantime I'm keeping a blog called Harvesting Hope from Heartache™, offering hope and resources for a variety of life's challenge and losses (loved ones, health, jobs, marriages, depression...)

In order to live and stay as healthy as possible, I am constantly looking to make wise choices from everything as basic as the air I breath and the water I drink to the food I eat and the cosmetic products I apply to my body. This quest has opened up an amazing world of natural beauty alternatives that I am excited to pass on to InnerBeautyGirlz readers. I am an affiliate with Mountain Rose Herbs and a consultant with both Affordable Mineral Makeup™ and Gurrlie Girl™ Christian Jewerly.

So now that you know a little bit about me, let me get the personal humilation out of the way and kick off our Weekend with this YouTube message I recorded from my bathroom just last week. This video was created specifically for the ladies of Hannah's Prayer Ministries who are gathered in Ohio this weekend for an infertility and pregnancy loss support retreat, so as you think of them I ask that you would lift them in prayer this weekend. But I pray the message of the video will give you a reason to smile, maybe even make you laugh as you see me with no makeup, unbrushed hair and sitting on the side of my tub in a bathrobe, or be an encouragement to you in whatever season of life you find yourself tonight.



Click here to tour the entire Virtual Spa Weekend (so far) or go directly to InnerBeautyGirlz.com to view all resources available through this blog. :) Even after the Weekend officially ends at midnight on Sunday, May 3, the Spa resources will remain here to offer you encouragement and information. Check back on May 6 for our Weekend give-away winner's list and subscribe or "follow" me now in order to receive future updates.

Early Bird Spa Entries

OK, by now I hope everyone knows that we have an exciting Virtual Spa Weekend starting this Friday afternoon. I would love your help spreading the word! In thanks, I'm offering one person an $18 pink beaded necklace from Gurrlie Girl. This necklace consists of 6 beautiful strings of beads, each over 4 feet long, knotted together to be worn as a set. They can also be untied and used as a faux scarf either as a grouping or in individual strands. Very feminine!

So how will the Virtual Spa Weekend give aways work you ask? Well, let me tell you. :)

Through out the weekend there will be a seires of posts. Most will be beauty tips from me, and a few will be guest blogger spotlights from Hannah's Prayer memebers, small business representatives, and women interested in beauty, both the inward and outward kinds. The pink Gurrlie Girl necklace will go to someone who has commented on any one of these beauty or guest blogs all weekend long. You may receive one entry for each general comment you make, starting with this post and going through Sunday evening. You will also earn additional entries for doing specific things like sharing a link to the Weekend on your blog, Facebook or Twitter, then coming back and posting your link in an additional comment for each promotional activity you have done. In fact, you can start spreading the word about Virtual Spa Weekend right now to start earning entries!

There will also be give-aways for everything from chocolate and home decor, to jewerly and Tupperware. When a post is made offering a specific give-away, you must reply to that individual thread to be entered in that contest. At the end of the weekend I will randomly draw names from each set of contest entries and announce each winner early next week. Be sure to include your email address or other way for me to contact you when you leave your comments or I may have to select alternative winners if I cannot let you know that I've drawn your name. I'll put prize winners and contest sponsors in touch with one another next week for mailing information to get prizes to their new homes. :)

Essentail Oils and Infertility Support

I just signed up as an affiliate with Mountain Rose Herbs. I actually haven't even tried their products yet, but I'm drawn to the site for several reasons including that I look out my window at "Mt. Rose" everyday (OK, probably not the one the company was named for, but a mountain that I think is very beautiful). "My" Mt. Rose plays an important part in one of the fiction books I hope to some day write. So even just at the name, this company already had my attention!

They have come highly recommended to me by Leon of the Glowing Diva message boards, a woman I trust for helpful, natural beauty advice. She loves the products, so I'm giving them a try. If anyone else wants to make a purchase, I earn a small commission on any orders placed by entering their website through my referral link at http://www.mountainroseherbs.com/cgi-bin/Main.pl?AID=101123&BID=30 or any of the button/banner links to the site found along my sidebar or in my posts on this blog.

I think my first order will be Lemon Flavoring Extract ($2.97 for 2 ounces) from April's Specials along with both some Tea Tree Essential Oil and some Peppermint Oil to mix in shampoo. I'm so excited to try these!

While we are on the topic of beautiful scents, don't forget to register for the Hannah's Prayer Ministries infertility and miscarriage retreat, Beautiful In His Sight, to be held May 1-3, 2009 in Cincinnati, Ohio. The guest speaker will be Ginger Garrett, author of several books including Beauty Secrets of the Bible and Moments for Couples Who Long for Children. Along with many wonderful beauty secrets, Ginger is an expert on essential oils and fragrances that can enrich your beauty regimen, so her book is a great resource if you are interested in essential oils but wondering how to use them! The retreat registration deadline has been extended to this Wednesday, April 15, so if you or someone you love could use some support and encouragement in the areas of infertility or pregnancy loss, please visit http://www.Hannah.org for details right away!